Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
