i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
