According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
