I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
