The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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