Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
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Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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