Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
