You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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