I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
