pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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