Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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