Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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