I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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