I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
