Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have post one night stand depression
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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