got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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