so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
