Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
