i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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