Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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