finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
