I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
