His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize