My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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