I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
