11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
