She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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