Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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