just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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