You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
