i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
