someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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