Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
