Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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