Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
operation harelip BJ is a go
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need a beard to bite.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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