You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
