4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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