yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
