Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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