fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
one might say we're banned from that church
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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