she was so not down for the gang bang
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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