you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Let's paint friendship bongs
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
