Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize