All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
