Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
