Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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