he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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