if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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