oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
