Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize