Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
