I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
