i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
