He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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