yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You made out with two different species that night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
