everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
