apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
