so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
