I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
