Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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