I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
