i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
